Your Post-Workout Grooming Routine Should Only Take Five Minutes

Under no circumstances should you shave anything in the gym bathroom. Here's everything you need to get in and out. 
A person showering in a gym locker room with slightly blue filters over the top
Photograph courtesy Getty Images; Collage by Gabe Conte

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The number-one thing a post-workout grooming should be is fast. Hit the showers with a monomaniacal sense of purpose, or you'll stand around waiting for hours as a menagerie of vanity-impaled gym stereotypes hog the sinks, blow-dry their chest hair, and trim their pubes. (If your workouts are currently limited to the at-home variety, the human safari is even worse when said gym stereotypes are also your roommates.)

Sadly, most locker rooms offer a paltry selection of personal-grooming products. Even the swankiest gyms don't dole out aluminum-free deodorant or matte face moisturizers, the kind specifically designed to help you avoid what we in the business call "pizza face". That's why we've endorsed a BYO policy. Because top-shelf multi-use products—once relegated to dandruff two-in-ones but now churned out by leading brands—are the key to minimizing your time in half-dressed purgatory.

So take a deep breath and move with finesse. Everything you need to assemble a record-breaking post-workout grooming routine is right here—timestamps and all—whether you're showering off at home before an early-morning Zoom or carefully avoiding the hirsute CrossFitter power walking towards the last free stall.  


00:00 — WASH YOUR FACE

Rip open any one of these disposable towelette packets to cleanse and de-oil your face in one fell swoop.

Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes

$24
Amazon

Oars + Alps shower wipes (pack of 14)

$16
Oars and Alps
00:20 — FULL BODY CLEAN

Lather up in less time than it takes to find the right shower temp.

American Crew 3-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner, and Body Wash

$27
Amazon

Nécessaire fragrance-free body wash

$25
Nordstrom
3:00 PIT STOP

These deodorants smell good enough to double as fragrance. 

Jack Black “Pit Boss” antiperspirant and deodorant

$20$19
Amazon

Aesop roll-on deodorant

$35
SSENSE
3:15 FACE TURN

These SPF moisturizers buffer your skin against dryness and sun damage, minimizing long-term dermis destruction down the line.

Dermalogica Oil Free Matte Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30

$55
Ulta

CeraVe moisturizing lotion with SPF 30

$19$12
Amazon
4:00 — HAIR STYLING

Rub a dime-sized amount of styling cream into towel-dried hair (or give it a few well-placed spritzes) and let it air-dry. Now get dressed.

Bumble and bumble Styling Creme

$26
Amazon

Oribe styling cream

$42
Amazon
5:00 — VICTORY!

Congratulations: You're the Usain Bolt of semi-public grooming. Take a self-congratulatory victory lap in the parking lot.


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